A Typical or Atypical Pastor's Wife-whichever one you come to believe

Welcome to the barnyard. Watch your step! The things written here are raw and unedited. Just my thoughts thrown on a page as they flow from my heart.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Emergency Room Comedy-Thankful Day 5

Sometimes life throws you things that you wouldn’t count as funny or valuable, like sudden trips to the emergency room after you step on a piece of glass and no one in your family or your group of friends is able to dig it out of your foot, even after several tries.

When my boys were small, I bought a product called Urine Away or some such descriptive name that came with a blacklight.  Evidently, you can turn out the lights and shine this light around the room and it will show you where there is urine so that you can spray Urine Away there and get rid of the smell.  First of all, I never recommend walking around in the dark in a bathroom shared by two growing boys unless you are in a hazmat suit. Secondly, as a mother, I needed to know where the smells were coming from but as a normal person, I was very sorry that I found out. I had nightmares dreaming about how that urine had gotten where I found it.

Anyway, back to the broken glass that eventually ended up in my foot. They need to come up with a system, such as Urine Away, to find shards of glass on floors when one gets broken.  They could call it Emergency Room Away.  They  could even charge $50.00 for it and I would buy it because that would be half what I had to pay to go to the emergency room, sit in an exam room that happened to have a broken tv remote and waste the last three hours of my weekend.  (What was more concerning was that the tv remote and nurse call button were all on the same unit.  I was tempted to push it just to see if I was as on my own as I felt, but I resisted.) So in order to change from watching Steeler football to a sappy Christmas movie, I had to get out of bed, limp to the tv on the wall, reach up and change the channel. Now I grew up doing this, so for me it was not that big of a stretch, but to those who have only used remotes to operate a tv, it would have been very frustrating.  I’m not even sure that my kids know that you can actually use your fingers and manually operate a television.

About the limping. It just doesn’t seem fair that the person in the emergency room with a foot injury should be the one with a broken remote. I could hear others happily flipping through the stations as their loved ones sat by their bed. Not me.  I had driven myself to the hospital with a chunk of glass in my right heel.  I avoided putting pressure on my heel because I didn’t want the glass to go further in so driving was a bit interesting.  I played in my head what I would say if I happen to get pulled over by a cop.  “Mam, where are you going in such a hurry?  What have you had to drink tonight?” “Ummmm...officer, I’m going to emergency room because I have an emergency.  I haven’t had anything to drink.  It must be the epson salt water that soaked into my system while I was softening up my skin so that someone could dig in my foot with a needle and tweezers to try to remove a chunk of a drinking glass that got broken (which by the way, sir, did not have anything alcoholic in it) that is causing my erratic driving. I decided that if he asked me why I was driving myself to the emergency room, I would just burst into tears and tell him that my family was too busy to do it which is kind of the explanation I got when I asked if someone could drive me. (Actually, I wasn’t real upset about having to drive myself until I realized that they were going to have to make another incision in my foot to get that glass out because it was in there pretty deep.  It was then that it dawned on me that I might not be able to drive myself home and the thought of being in the emergency exam room with a broken remote,  two cuts and a needle hole in my heel until someone’s schedule freed up enough to pick me up was just more than I could bear!)

To pass the time, I texted a friend. Now she and I go way back and we have spent more than one night in the emergency room together. It’s just tradition that when someone I love goes to the emergency room, I show up to provide some comic relief….oh and help of course. Of course! I told her not to bother since I figured that if I could drive myself to the emergency room I was probably going to live but she ignored me and came anyway. She brought her smart phone, which by the way worked way better than my hospital remote, and showed me this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP4zgb9H3Cg  When you get a chance, watch it.  If you haven’t been to the emergency room lately, it may amuse you but since we were sitting in the emergency room experiencing the same things this comedian talks about, we were laughing hysterically to the point that we thought the staff would come in to make sure we hadn’t found  some drugs somewhere. I was also secretly wishing that they had thrown a few of those blue pads under me because I wasn’t sure I could limp fast enough to make it to the bathroom while laughing so hard.

The foot is sore, but it will heal in a couple of days and it is completely glass-less! Yeah!

To sum this up.  I am so thankful for friends who will drop everything to come keep me company at the emergency room, even if I’m not there for a real “emergency.” I’m thankful for people who would bring something to cheer me while I waited for them to poke and probe and charge me out the wazoo for something I would have done myself for free if I could have gotten a good angle and had been able to see. There’s just nothing like knowing that you have people who love you enough to sit in an uncomfortable chair beside your bed for hours on end just because they want to even when your family and perhaps common sense would tell you that it’s not necessary. It might not have been necessary, but it sure was nice!

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