"Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet." Rudyard Kipling in his Barrack-room ballads, 1892
I'm thinking of re-vamping the blog. I've been reading about writing. (Oh Thank you! I can hear the applause and sighs of relief from here!) My blog's title and theme don't match. It's kind of schizophrenic. The theme (all things diary) is my former life. The title is my new life. The old me and the new me are totally dis-joined except when I allow myself to glance back and reminisce. "Remember Lot's wife!" I guess the saying "you can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl" is true. Funny thing is that I was never truly a country girl until I met my husband but embracing country life was like jumping into a clear, cool pond on a hot summer's day. Refreshing, freeing, and satisfying. Embracing the ministry life has been like picking raspberries without wearing a long sleeve shirt. Prickly, bloody, and a lot of work for little fruit.
That's not to say that I'm miserable now. I've learned, like the Apostle Paul, to adapt and be content. Ministry life was never my choice. It wasn't even a blip on my radar ANYWHERE! But it is what it is. (Besides, I wouldn't trade my hubby for all the cows, farmhouses, streams, fields and country comfort in the world and he is DEFINITELY called to ministry!) My farmer husband became a minister so by default I became the dreaded minister's wife! While I fit easily into country life, I feel rather displaced in ministry at times, like a cow that has been transferred from the herd to a flock of sheep and expected to fit in. Perhaps that's why I've tried to mesh the two together on my blog because the country theme supports part of me that has been hard to leave behind. It's the part of me that really is me!
Now this might sound like psycho-babble to you, but to a minister's wife this makes perfect sense. There are some vocations that define who you are in the minds of others and if you are the spouse of someone in those vocations, by default, it defines your occupation. If you are married to a criminal, you must be a criminal as well. If you are married to a drunk, then you are from the lower strata of society. If you married into money then you are shallow, a gold-digger and a snob. If you're married to a minister then you are pigeonholed into a persona of having a "particular function, without regard to your talents, skills or personality". I can't count the number of people who have said to me in a surprising tone "I can't believe you're a Pastor's Wife." And so many times I've been tempted to respond "I can't believe it either!"
Don't worry. I'm not having an identity crisis, a midlife crisis, or any kind of crisis at all. I'm merely making the observation that the theme and the title of my blog do not match and I'm deciding what to do about it.