A Typical or Atypical Pastor's Wife-whichever one you come to believe

Welcome to the barnyard. Watch your step! The things written here are raw and unedited. Just my thoughts thrown on a page as they flow from my heart.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What People Don't Read on my Blog

I've noticed a trend.  No one reads my hubby's valentines.  Not even my hubby.  LOL!  (He's not computer savvy!  And doesn't want to be.)

That's understandable.  I hate it when people brag to me about their families as if there is no other family better than theirs.  A little of that goes a long, long way-especially if at that time things at home are not running as smoothly as I would like.  I do have teenagers, you know.  Why do we feel that we have to toot our own horns, especially when it has a damaging effect on the self-esteem and encouragement of others?  When people are participating in this annoying behavior, I don't let it bother me on a personal level, but it does make me want to stick my finger down my throat and gag myself.

I don't really care that no one reads my valentines.  So I'm sitting here trying to figure out exactly why I write them.  Because this is what I want to write!  I think I write them to encourage others to believe that there are Godly men on this earth that can be trusted, respected, and to whom you can give yourself with total abandonment.   I'm trying to keep hope alive that true love really does exist.  I write them because of all the things that sublet space in my heart, my hubby owns the largest piece of property. I am just crazy in love with this man which is why I like to talk about him. (I feel the same way about Jesus so if you don't like either of these men, don't talk to me!) The Bible does say "let another man praise you", and my hubby would never toot his own horn.  Come to think of if, neither would Jesus.  Maybe that's why He needs us to do it.

I didn't always like my husband.  And frankly, he was sick and tired of me.  In fact, if we hadn't gotten saved when we did, we would be divorced today.  So even after we were saved, it took awhile for our relationship to get to where we are today. I'm so glad we stuck it out!  Before we got here though, several things had to happen.

1) I had to grow up.  I finally realized that I wasn't the center of the universe, I don't know everything, and I'm not perfect in every way.  Yes, firstly, I had to look at what part I was playing in my disastrous relationship that some people referred to as marriage.  You see, there is shared responsibility in EVERY relationship and until you face up to yourself first, that relationship will never get any better.

2) I had to start looking at my husband firstly as my brother in Christ and treating him accordingly.  This included:
     ~having the same mind that was in Christ Jesus and considering others before myself, including my husband
     ~Doing unto my husband as I wished he would do unto me, even when he didn't.
     ~Allowing the fruit of the Spirit to grow and be evident in my life by spending much time in prayer and waiting on the Lord.  This made me more desirable to my husband.  If we would just obey all that the Bible tells all Christians to do, we wouldn't need all the extra teaching on being a good spouse.  It would just happen naturally. 
     ~Choosing to practice 1 Corinthians 13 (amplified version) by "always thinking the best of him."  Even when he didn't exemplify the best, I still chose to think it of him.  I wasn't making excuses for him, I was just setting his bar back where it had been in the days of our first romantic thoughts of each other.  Funny!  He responded!  I started saying good things about him that I hadn't said in awhile.  He must have thought "oh my goodness!"  She still thinks I'm ___________ and then he would start to be it again. 
     ~Accepting the things he did to show me his love with gratitude even though it might not have been what I would prefer. 

My husband HATES chick flicks.  Let's face it, those kinds of stories seldom play out in real life the way they do on the big screen.  Most women love them because they would like to just once experience  the exhilaration depicted in the final moments of their favorite film.  But honestly, there is so much more to the kind of love that a woman really wants. 

For instance, I have every letter that my husband ever wrote me while I was away at college for 3 years.  And he wrote me practically every day.  (Please don't tell him.  He'll find them and burn them.  I promise I'll disclose their location in my last will and testament-if I die before he does.)  Most of them are written on Snoopy stationary because I absolutely adored Snoopy and Woodstock.  I read one the other day that had strayed from the box and almost had to get a barf bucket.  Oh my goodness!  Talk about love sick.  If he talked to me like that now, I'd probably take his temperature.  We're soooooo past that.  Thank God!  The feelings are still there, only much more deep and intense, but if we walked around talking to each other this way, people would probably think we just started dating or we're having an affair with each other.  We often have waitstaff and clerks ask us how long we've been dating.  They are usually shocked beyond words when they find out we've been together for almost 34 years and have 4 children.)

I love it when my hubby:
~ sneaks me out the house for cheesecake and some magazine reading at Barnes and Noble-without the kids,

~ gives me a back rub every night before we fall asleep,

~wakes me early on Saturdays to whisk me to Sheetz for a romantic breakfast of tastycakes and cuppocino-without the kids or the candlelight (I'm seeing a trend here), 

~buys me my  very own box of 100-9mm cartridges to shoot at the shooting range,

~thinks up silly rhymes to make me laugh (He's quite talented!  And no, he didn't write my answering machine message.  That is a whole other story!),

~always speaks well of me in public and from the pulpit (that's now that I've convinced him that certain ailments caused by childbirth are NOT to be used as sermon illustrations, even if they ARE in the Bible.  Yes, he had to learn some things too),

~generally spends as much time with me as he can.  He uses the words "I love you" sparingly because he believes actions speak louder than words, he's never been much of a talker, and he's right when he says that those words get used way too flippantly in today's society.  It's really not necessary for him to say them though because I get it--he loves me!  On the other hand, I absolutely love it when he tells me. 

Some people think that there can never be enough romance in a relationship, but romance is a very subjective term.  It is also true that romance is compounded exponentially when friendship is also involved.  Romance, in the sense of how the world depicts it, is highly overrated, has the tendency to be shallow and unrealistic, and is affected by circumstances far too easily.  But true love (that perfect blending of romance and friendship), is solid and unwavering.  That is how my husband makes me feel-truly, truly loved.  And that's more than enough for me.

I love you E! 



  1. I read your valentines. :) I think they're sweet. And such a testimony, too. :)

  2. Nothing says "I love you" like your own box of ammunition. :-)