A Typical or Atypical Pastor's Wife-whichever one you come to believe

Welcome to the barnyard. Watch your step! The things written here are raw and unedited. Just my thoughts thrown on a page as they flow from my heart.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Do All Men Cheat?

I ran across this blog post and thought it was something women don't hear or think about often enough!  It made me especially thankful and grateful to my husband who has never given me any opportunity or reason to distrust him for even one minute in our 28 years marriage.  What a blessing he is!

Do All Men Cheat?

Posted on 06.28.10 by Erin Davis
Topics: Marriage, Sexuality

“Indiana Rep. Mark Souder Resigns After Affair With Staffer”
“Jesse James Asks for Forgiveness Amid Reports of Marital Woes”
“Tiger woods Admits, ‘I had affairs. I cheated.’”

These headlines are recent but men who cheat aren’t new news. For many years, I struggled with an intense fear that my husband would cheat. That fear was reinforced by a dad who cheated and tales of infidelity even among my Christian brothers and sisters.

Fear left unchecked can wreak all kinds of havoc on our hearts and lives. In my case, the fear that my man was destined to stray led me to be clingy, accusatory, anxious, and worried.

During that season I kept stumbling across verses like Romans 8:15 which states, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear but you received the Spirit of sonship” and 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” These verses made me want to deal with the fear that was gripping my heart (and my marriage), but I didn’t know how. The fear that my husband would cheat wasn’t something that I could just talk myself out of. It’s a fear that didn’t unravel until God started exposing the lies rooted to my fear.

I realized that my fear was based, in part, in the lie that all men cheat. The media portrays men as unable to control their sexual appetite. I just assumed that if given the opportunity, my man would cheat out of an inability to control himself. This lie has dangerous ramifications far beyond a fearful heart.

The truth is that men are no more carnal than we are.

Titus 2:11-13 says, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Girls, we don’t have the market cornered on self-control. The same Spirit that is at work in our hearts is at work in the lives of the believing men around us. Men aren’t the animals we see them portrayed as on T.V. and the big screen. They aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean that the entire gender is destined to ditch their marriage vows.

Sometimes I think we see ourselves as more spiritual than our male counterparts. The Truth is the Holy Spirit lives in men who know Jesus as vibrantly as it lives in our own hearts. Men aren’t given an extra dose of the sin nature any more than we have been given an extra helping of self-control.

Is your man doing his best to live out his faith in Jesus? Has his love for you and commitment to your marriage kept him faithful? Don’t wait in anticipation for the moment he will fail. Thank him for serving God by faithfully loving you.

This was a great post! My hubby is a very Godly man, not perfect, but one that I know loves Jesus so much that he would never cheat on me, because to cheat on me would mean that he would cheat on Jesus first and he would never do that!  I not only trust in his love for me, but I trust in the love that he and Jesus have for each other.

Because he is a minister, there have been many women who either knowingly or unknowingly have put themselves out there to see if he would bite. Fortunately  the Holy Spirit periodicallys leads me to pray for his fidelity so when they came along, he was already covered. That is one of the privileges I feel is mine as his wife. It's one way I can return the favor for his protection in my life.  I can pray for him in ways that no other person on this earth can pray because I am the closest to him. Not once, when the Holy Spirit lead me to pray about things that should have made me feel uncomfortable or cast suspicion, did I ever suspect or fear that my husband was doing or about to do something that wasn't right. I still marvel at that! I know that the Bible tells us that "we are not ignorant of the devil's schemes", nor do we need to fear them, but when God reveals them, then it's time to pray and believe.  And I know that my prayers helped keep my husband far away from the edge of the cliff and kept our marriage intact and secure.

You see, those prayers were as much for him as they were for me.  Sometimes I feel that women, in general, just think of being cheated on as the most horrendous, dispicable sin that can ever be committed.  As harmful and hurtful as it is, there are sins that women commit against men that are just as horrible and dispicable in their eyes.  And just because society may embrace those sins as acceptable and harmless, they aren't to the hearts of our husbands.  Could it be that once again the devil is using our culture to decieve women as he did Eve? 

I think that women live with the misconception that when men cheat, woman and children are the only ones that get hurt, but that's not true. The men either are already hurting or they end up getting hurt along with everyone else. Sin takes no hostages, it kills, steals from and destroy's everything and everyone in it's wake.  And as much as men have the responsibility to stay pure in marriage, women have that same responsibility even though the practical working out of that purity may look very different. 

My husband has proven to me through the years that he can be trusted, but as his wife it is part of my vow to him and to God that I will honor my husband, and honor involves trust. And I think that because I do honor and trust him, that helps him in times when he might have a temptation thrown into his life to not only resist, but to look on it with disdain. It is silly to not trust a man that has never given you any cause for mistrust.

As the article stated fear of cheating must be dealt with because if it isn't, it could actually help drive a man to do what you're fearing. Job said, "the thing that I feared has come upon me." The devil knew where Job's fear lied, so when the devil had opportunity to shake him, he knew exactly what areas of Job's life to hit.

I have often said and I believe that I would have to hear from my husbands own lips that he had cheated. Even if there were eye witnesses and photos, I wouldn't believe it. Believe me, people have tried to cast doubt on his character in the past because they didn't like something he preached. One guy even told us that he had hired a private detective to follow my husband trying to find some immoral activity in his life. 

But what he found was that my husband is a God-fearing, family-loving, hard working man.  I try to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him, even to the point where I sometimes feel like a silly school girl doing it.  And I pray FOR him, NOT about him, always having HIS best interest at heart.  Because when I pray for his best interest, I am also praying for my own and that of my children.  It's the way God set it up.  And when it works God's way, there is nothing sweeter!

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