A Typical or Atypical Pastor's Wife-whichever one you come to believe

Welcome to the barnyard. Watch your step! The things written here are raw and unedited. Just my thoughts thrown on a page as they flow from my heart.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I Don't Want to be a Grumpy Old Woman

Most of my friends know that I hate to shop. I hate to shop for anything, except Christmas presents. I ESPECIALLY hate grocery shopping. Today was G-Day. So I loaded up my very itemized list, the check book and headed to Sams Club. You see, I have 3 growing teenagers, so Sams Club packaging is perfect for our needs.

I was almost done shopping when I remembered that my daughter needed socks. So I whirled around and headed for the sock isle, which also happens to be the shoe isle, where I saw these cute little numbers.

I am not an Emelda Marcos. I have very few pairs of shoes. They all look alike to me. But these little babies just really appealed to me. They had them in all different colors. Black? Not summery enough. Tan with a little brown? Pretty, but tan and white feet don't go very well together. Brown with a little tan? Now these had potential!

Then I saw them! Blue! Oh beautiful blue! Gotta have a pair blue! Birthday money burning a hole in my wallet blue! These'll match everything I own so I really SHOULD get them blue. I really do NEED a pair of slip-ons for summer blue! Oh yeah!

So I leaned in real close, looking through the bottom half of my not-the-right-prescription bifocals to see if I could find a pair in size BIG. I had been there awhile when I noticed some movement out of the corner of my right eye.

A woman was standing there. "Oh, I'm sorry!, I said. Do you need me to move my cart?"

"Well, NOT ANY MORE!" she said as she whirled her cart around and went over to the next aisle.

Now, here I was, having a rare moment of actually enjoying shopping and some old, grumpy lady who really needs to get her priorities straight, or get a life altogether, had to come along and ruin it. I mean really! I don't know how long she was there. I had my back turned to the direction she came from. She could have cleared her throat or banged my cart. She could have sneezed, broke out in song, or.....now this is a novel idea........could have said "excuse me, please." But no, she just snuck up on me and stood there without saying a word thinking that the whole of the universe was centered on her and her retired schedule.

What she didn't realize is that my dog does that too and I ignore her because she is supposed to ring the bell when she needs to go!

Didn't she see that I was having fun shopping for these?

As she went out of eyeshot, I hollered "have a nice day!" Then under my breath, "you bundle of joy!"

Then I went to WalMart to finish up. I needed a $.98 box of saltines. As I rounded the corner of the cracker isle, I noticed a cart full of unstocked crackers sitting in the aisle right in front of the, can you guess? Yes, right in front of the saltine crackers that I wanted to purchase. The guy took one look at me and opened a carton and began to stock the shelf. I'm not unreasonable. I know they are busy. I didn't mind waiting for him to stock a carton of 12 boxes of crackers. When he finished, he looked at me again and proceeded to open and stock another carton of crackers and another, and another. For a moment there, I felt frozen in time. Finally as he reached for 5th carton of crackers, I said, "please excuse me, but I'm not standing here to watch you stock crackers. I just want to put a $.98 box of saltines in my cart." He never said a word, but the sigh of disdain was big enough to know what he was thinking. He stepped aside. I got my crackers, looked at him and smiled and said "have a nice day!" Then under my breath, "you bundle of joy!"

Come on now! Some people need to be gettin some joy on up in here! I mean really!

This didn't happen today but it reminded me of another lady I met one day at the deli counter. She ordered 1 pound of sliced ham. When the slicing girl gave her the package, she looked at the label and proceeded to have a major meltdown. "I told you that I wanted 1 pound of ham! I didn't ask for 1.01 lbs of ham, I wanted 1 pound of ham. "You people" do this to everyone. You sell us more than what we ask for just to make a few extra pennies. It's a grocery store conspiracy! Why can't you just give me 1lb?"

Now I'm standing there in shock. I'm sure my mouth had to be hanging open as I observed this 3 ring circus all balled up into one very obstinate lady! At that time, I had just brought 3 of my 4 children home from the hospital after almost burying two of them from injuries due to an accident. Experiences such as those kind of jolt your priorities right into order. So to stand there and observe a woman upset about .01 lbs. of meat was so ridiculous to me that I just literally exploded into laughter. I laughed until I cried. Now she was the one standing there looking at me with her mouth open. "Lady, I said. You need to get a real life." She kind of did that whirling around thing like the lady in the shoe isle did and off she went.

I looked at the horrified, almost in tears slicing girl and told her that if I had been her, I'd have taken the meat back, opened the package, took off the top slice, bitten a bite out of it, slapped it back on the pile, wrapped it back up and said "there, now it weighs one pound". "Oh, my, she said, if I did that I'd get fired!" Then, from the back of the store I heard the manager yell up, "No you wouldn't!"

As I headed home I prayed, "Lord, please don't let me grow into a self-centered, grumpy, old lady who whirls though grocery stores ruining everyone's fun! Amen!"


  1. Yeah, but if she took out that slice, you know it would have weighed .97 pounds and she would still have the fits because they didn't get it right.

    I was shopping one day and it was a couple weeks before Christmas. I was the 2nd onein line waiting to check out, behind a customer who was not happy about the price of some ornaments she was purchasing, so we had to wait for a price verification. She turned to me and apologized for the wait, clearly miffed. I told her I was in no hurry, so it wasn't a big deal. She didn't like that response and said, "Well, what about all those behind you?!" Sigh...

    I never say anything to people like that because it is what in the heart that flows out. I also was reminded in Proverbs what it says about the rebuking a scorner. Their wrath will just be heaped on you.

  2. LOL pricelessly hilarious it's really true!! Love your blue shoes too! I was at the post office and noticed an old lady wearing a bitter face and she wasn't even at the counter yet. She was in front of me and finally her turn came. She reemed the postal worker that she is getting junk mail and wants it to stop. I was like huh?? Then I thought hmm I should've known she was a sourpus by the expression on her face in line! I too hope I won't turn into that!